Should I try to get my first love back?

by Bria

OK, i met my current ex boyfriend at my church and we started to talk and soon went out as officially boyfriend and girlfriend.

We went out for a total of six months and mind you this was my first real relationship, everything was fine until we started to argue and he became controlling like in the way of having a problem with going to places with my friends etc.

We broke up, because i was scared of dealing with it and where it might go. I love him so much though, so he said he would change so we should still "talk" which means hangout and talk on the phone without the label of a relationship.

This worked for a couple of months and then he started playing games, talking to other girls even after he had said he would always be here and he only wants me etc. We did not talk for three months after that until he called me one day asking me if i could hangout with him to talk, so i agreed because for me the three months were horrible. All i did was try to get over him and not think of him. So, we talked and i thought we were getting a lot out and then he said he still loves me but he does not feel that "spark".

But, he wants to have a friendship with me. He always says he never wants a girlfriend if it's not me, but doesn't do anything to get me. He says all of a sudden relationships aren't for him but then he still wants to see me.

I don't know if it's fear of getting hurt or what. He doesn't really call me or text me and when we are together he doesn't seem that interested in me. Maybe i am just used to what it was before. Should I move on and just say oh well or should i wait and see what happens?

I love him and i don't want to let him go, but I'm not sure what he wants and i don't know how long to wait, or if i even should?




Answer:

Hi Bria,

You should definitely try your best to move on. It's tough. Losing that first love is never fun, but it's something that most people have to go through.

He has made it fairly clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you right now. You'll just be torturing yourself trying to change that.

I would recommend the "clean break" method. If you keep hanging out with him and talking with him on the phone, you're never going to lose those strong feelings for him...

Tell him you need to spend some time apart. You can't be friends right now. Later, perhaps, you can be friends again. But, for the time being, spend a lot of time with family and friends. Also, keep your eyes out for another boy you might be interested in. That would really help you feel better.

Good Luck!

Editor, CDI