Should I try to get girlfriend back, or move on?

ok here is the deal. I cheated on my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years. This was the most beautiful women i have ever laid eyes upon, from the day i met her, to the day she through my **** out.

She loved me as much as a women could love a man. during the second half of our relationship, i fell into old habbits of casual sex that i developed in my late teens. This time It happen with 2 people, 3 times. I then lied about it when she went through my cell(who could blame her).

I never felt so much hurt that i ruined this womans life. A life we built together. I felt so much guilt and remorse i fell into a deep depression and i cried over her loss for a week. lost sleep, loss weight, and the thought of her being gone made me physically sick.

I sought help from spiritual elders in my new congregation, and now have a monthly session with a psycholgist. I'm doing better now and have learned to control my actions. the funny thing is we kept in contact the whole time testing and sending pics...not usual for a women who had been hurt so bad. We cried together over the situation and talked about things and issues in our relationship that we never talked about before.

Although it had only been a month now we have been in contact most of the time. I love her and she loves me i think... she asked me to tell her i loved her one night when she was on a trip up in the bay area.. she says we cant be together, but we talk on a level that was like when we first started to date.....should i give up...or does this sound like she is waiting to see if my change is for real?

I need help if i should just keep it pushing and deal with the loss of her..or wait it out to see if she wants to reconcile one day?



Answer

Hi,

This girl loves you. You probably know that already. She wouldn't have been hurt so badly if she didn't love you. And, love doesn't instantly go away, even after the foundation of the relationship crumbles.

You definitely shouldn't give up on the relationship if you think she is the right person for you, and you the right person for her. She can't take you back right away. If she did, she would be enabling your bad behavior. So, basically, you have to pay for your sins. I'm not saying she'll take you back eventually. But, she definitely is not going to take you back right now.

You should ask yourself a few questions though. And be honest with yourself. Why did you cheat in the first place? What have you learned about yourself? And finally, what will keep you from cheating in the future?

You need to answer these questions for yourself, because you'll need to tell her the answers as well. If she takes you back, there can be no possibility of breaking her heart again in a few years.

Write her an apology letter with all of the answers to the questions above. This way you can get all your thoughts out in a coherent and convincing way. She can reread this whenever she wants. Then, you'll need to spend the next few months proving to her that you mean what you wrote.

If she takes you back... Don't screw up again. If she doesn't, it will hurt. But, that's how it's supposed to feel, and that pain will keep you from making the same mistakes later in life.

Good Luck,
Editor, CDI