Nervous about first dates in years

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Nervous about first dates in years

by Nish
(IL USA)

Hello. I’m a 26-year-old woman who hasn’t really dated all that much since my teens up to now. I barely get first dates and if I do i manage to get a first date, there most definitely (well usually) isn’t a second date. I admit I was a little disillusioned about how dating has changed now since I haven’t been dating in a long time.

Well since I couldn’t get dates face to face or in real life I tried online dating and with a few of these prior online dates it was the guys pursuing me for a date. Now once we actually met up I believe they were disappointed (although I had clear up to date pictures) or what not b/c we never talked again (even just in a friendly way). I clearly embarrassed myself sometime ago on a date after giving the guy a peck on the cheek and him saying he wasn’t into kissing on the first date (yet on the phone he was quite sexually open and didn’t seem prude).

So all in all after a total of 4 years or so of not dating (I just decided to put that activity on the back burner since it wasn’t happening) I'm finally feeling half way OK with getting back out there I have two possible dates lined up. I was just wondering should I really even bother meeting these guys or just wait until I get more "datable" i.e. getting in shape (although they know what I look like b/c I have clear up to date pictures posted and they don’t seem to mind that I’m voluptuous). I just want some varied opinions on this.

Thank You So Much

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Nervous about first dates in years

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Mar 04, 2009

His loss...
by: Doctor Doom

Sorry to hear that Nish...
That really is an unacceptable way to behave. There is definitely a reason he is still single. Just keep getting out there though. It just takes one time to find a good guy.
In the future, if a guy seems to be pulling away at all pre-date, just stop trying to contact him. He'll have to get up with YOU if he wants a date.
Good luck...

Mar 03, 2009

Are people completely mad!!!!!!
by: Nish

OK I’m back and nope, no date! I mean is the act oh no wait excuse me the very thought of being considerate enough to call and let someone know that you cant make it or something else came up that you cant make it obsolete???????

I’m pretty austere when it comes to emotions in front of other people and I try to act calm each time these situations happen (i.e. being stood up on a date which happens quite a bit, a guy stops talking to me or a date I think went well and the guy never calls or speaks to me again). Mainly I’ve adopted this technique out of embarrassment, since most ppl and my family knows I never really dated that much once in a blue moon I do get a chance to meet someone or a new guy I get pretty excited and tell everyone about, then to only turn around and have to say I’m no longer in contact with said guy.

Ok a lead up to the date, which was supposed to be the 2/27/2009. I knew something was getting weird b/c each day kept passing on up to Thursday without a single word from him. Also I was sending him emails to see what he actually wanted to do but I wasn’t getting any responses. I emailed him twice with him not responding but being online. Now this was all after he chased me down begging me for a date and us making plans and him telling me that Friday prior (the weekend before our weekend for the date) to keep him up to date on plan changes etc.

I don’t believe an emergency or anything happened b/c that very time frame we were supposed to meet up, I log on a dating website and he is on it, also he was on it later again that night! I mean not one word of "I’m sorry blah blah blah".

I’m so sick and tired of these guys wanting and begging for dates with me and I put all this time and effort to meet them and they either don’t talk on the date or don’t show up at all. Anyway I’m just going to wait to continue dating until I cant get to another state or better yet country!

I have to admit though that this was by far the weirdest date snafu I’ve had to date. I mean it was just so blatant (his ignoring of me) and out of the blue (again his ignoring of me, in contrast to before then he uses to talk with me almost everyday if not then every week then. Even the week before the date he contacted me more than the week of the date (I could have tolerated him contacted me the very date of the date better than him not contacting me at all!).

Anyway all the time and money I spent (hair nails clothes) at least won’t go to waste since I’ve planned other outings. Thanks for letting me rant.

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Mar 03, 2009
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Submitted by: Nish

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OK I’m back and nope, no date! I mean is the act oh no wait excuse me the very thought of being considerate enough to call and let someone know that you cant make it or something else came up that you cant make it obsolete??????? I’m pretty austere when it comes to emotions in front of other people and I try to act calm each time these situations happen (i.e. being stood up on a date which happens quite a bit, a guy stops talking to me or a date I think went well and the guy never calls or speaks to me again). Mainly I’ve adopted this technique out of embarrassment, since most ppl and my family knows I never really dated that much once in a blue moon I do get a chance to meet someone or a new guy I get pretty excited and tell everyone about, then to only turn around and have to say I’m no longer in contact with said guy. Ok a lead up to the date, which was supposed to be the 2/27/2009. I knew something was getting weird b/c each day kept passing on up to Thursday without a single word from him. Also I was sending him emails to see what he actually wanted to do but I wasn’t getting any responses. I emailed him twice with him not responding but being online. Now this was all after he chased me down begging me for a date and us making plans and him telling me that Friday prior (the weekend before our weekend for the date) to keep him up to date on plan changes etc. I don’t believe an emergency or anything happened b/c that very time frame we were supposed to meet up, I log on a dating website and he is on it, also he was on it later again that night! I mean not one word of "I’m sorry blah blah blah". I’m so sick and tired of these guys wanting and begging for dates with me and I put all this time and effort to meet them and they either don’t talk on the date or don’t show up at all. Anyway I’m just going to wait to continue dating until I cant get to another state or better yet country! I have to admit though that this was by far the weirdest date snafu I’ve had to date. I mean it was just so blatant (his ignoring of me) and out of the blue (again his ignoring of me, in contrast to before then he uses to talk with me almost everyday if not then every week then. Even the week before the date he contacted me more than the week of the date (I could have tolerated him contacted me the very date of the date better than him not contacting me at all!). Anyway all the time and money I spent (hair nails clothes) at least won’t go to waste since I’ve planned other outings. Thanks for letting me rant.

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Feb 18, 2009

Appreciation
by: Anonymous

YAY! and thank you so much! I will certainly report back here on how the dates went:0)

Feb 17, 2009

Dear Nish,
by: Doctor Doom

The core of your question is summed up here:

"...should I really even bother meeting these guys or just wait until I get more 'datable'?"

Yes. You should definitely give these guys a shot.

This is an easy answer for me because it gets to my core philosophy on dating. "What is your core philosophy on dating, Doctor Doom?"

I'm glad you asked.

Every time you go out on a date, initiate a conversation with a stranger, step out of your comfort zone in any way, you stand to learn something valuable about yourself and about the world around you.

In other words, there is very little to lose, but much to gain. Worse case scenario, the dates will go exactly as you expect them to. But, even if the dates do go horribly, you will most likely learn something that will help you in the future.

One note about online dating: A lot of guys on online dating sites are looking for an easy way to have a one night stand. To make sure you're not wasting your time, add something to your profile that insinuates, or flat out says you don't get frisky on the first date.

Or, arrange the first date around an unassuming activity like getting a cup of coffee in the afternoon. This will improve the odds of going on a date with someone who is actually interested in a relationship.

Now, if you wouldn't mind, or you're actually looking for a one night stand, disregard that bit of advice.

Good luck Nish, and if you do end up going on those dates, come back here and let us know how they went!

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Feb 17, 2009
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Submitted by: Doctor Doom

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The core of your question is summed up here: "...should I really even bother meeting these guys or just wait until I get more 'datable'?" Yes. You should definitely give these guys a shot. This is an easy answer for me because it gets to my core philosophy on dating. "What is your core philosophy on dating, Doctor Doom?" I'm glad you asked. Every time you go out on a date, initiate a conversation with a stranger, step out of your comfort zone in any way, you stand to learn something valuable about yourself and about the world around you. In other words, there is very little to lose, but much to gain. Worse case scenario, the dates will go exactly as you expect them to. But, even if the dates do go horribly, you will most likely learn something that will help you in the future. One note about online dating: A lot of guys on online dating sites are looking for an easy way to have a one night stand. To make sure you're not wasting your time, add something to your profile that insinuates, or flat out says you don't get frisky on the first date. Or, arrange the first date around an unassuming activity like getting a cup of coffee in the afternoon. This will improve the odds of going on a date with someone who is actually interested in a relationship. Now, if you wouldn't mind, or you're actually looking for a one night stand, disregard that bit of advice. Good luck Nish, and if you do end up going on those dates, come back here and let us know how they went!

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Nervous about first dates in years

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Nervous about first dates in years