Is he pulling away?

I have been seeing this guy for 2 weeks. We really seem to hit it off. He really seemed connected to me before we made love. He says he really cares for me, but there has been a lot of incidents lately that keeps us from being together.

He had a death in the family, and his mother has a serious illness, and he had to go out of town for a few days. During this time away he called and texted me every day.

This week he came down with shingles and was contagious for a few days. Then his brother came from out of town to stay at his house for a few days, and tomorrow is his adult sons birthday so we cant be together either.

We have not seen each other in a week. I know I sound insincere, but how do I know that he is for real? What if he is with another girl or is no longer interested in me? How can I be sure? He still calls everyday and or sends me texts. But they almost seem impersonal.....like they could be for just anyone.

At first he always started or ended the conversation by calling me baby or sweetheart....that has kind of backed off. He does say it occasionally. I have rearranged my schedule several times so I can be with him....I love being with him.

He has not told any of his family about us....(well I have only told two people in my family)even though we both decided we were going to only see each other. I gave him a picture of me and he put it on his fridge....but the next time I was at his house, it was not there.

I asked him about it and he said he was going to get a frame and put it beside his bed. I brought out a CD that we danced to one night. The next time I was there he sent it back home with me. I kind of feel like he is hiding our relationship.

We are supposed to see each other the day after tomorrow. During the two weekends that we have been together, we went out on two dates, the rest of the time has been spent at his house and we end up in bed and I spend the night. He has invited me to spend the night at his house the next time I see him.

How do I know if he is interested only for the sex? I don't want to seem too clingy or needy but I really need to be sure it's only me that he wants.



Answer:

It's easy to worry about this type of stuff, especially when you're not able to spend as much time together as you'd like, due to outside factors.

My advice: Don't sweat the small stuff.

The photo on the fridge, his text messages, the CD... None of these are concrete indicators of him becoming less interested in you.

The more you focus on these things, the more insecure you will seem in his eyes. Insecurity is not an attractive trait. The more you "test" him, the more he will pull away.

Instead, you need to be spending this time (the early part of a relationship) building a lasting bond with him. Just as you don't want to lose him, you need to be the girl that he won't want to lose. Don't always be available to him. You need to make him want you to be around more too. Not just you wanting him.

In short, just be awesome. Be the person he was attracted to in the first place. Be irreplaceable. He will become more and more attracted to you as time goes on, and the relationship will progress.

If you continue testing him and becoming upset because of small things, you'll be conspiring against yourself.

If you think he is using the relationship for sex, just make sure to plan a few day time dates. Go to a museum, or a park, etc... If he is never interested in doing that, you might need to consider putting things on hold.

But, for the time being, just be awesome. If you're awesome, he will love you.



Good Luck!

Editor, CDI
A few bits of advice...

Don't focus on