I don't know if I should continue my relationship with him and try to be happy
by Hana
(Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
Hi, first of all, thank you for answering my question.
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years now. It started from love at the first sight on his part, I stayed with him because people always said that it is better to stay with people who love you, rather than people who don't.
He loves me dearly and always said he didn't want anyone beside me. At first I thought that perhaps I should give myself a chance to love him, but after 3 years, I can't seem to.
I don't like to receive his calls, but I answer it anyway, because I don't want to upset him. Our relationship progression is far too fast, on our first date he already said that he wanted to marry me, and he already talked about our future and how many children we want even before I could say 'let's be friends first'.
This makes me think that he just wanted himself to be happy and doesn't think of me. After 3 years, I said to him that I never liked him, well I tried to but I can't, and want a breakup.
But he didn't want to let me go, saying that he couldn't sleep and in a lot of stress because of what I said. He started to send threatening messages to my male friends and this made me hate him even more.
Being a person who is too nice, I get back with him. Please I don't know want should I do. He is too in love with me, forcing his feelings on me, but I can't return those feelings.
If this leads to marriage will I be happy?
Answer
No. You won't be happily married to this man.
You are correct when you said that he only thinks of himself and his happiness. What you have described is classic controlling behavior and he is probably a borderline sociopath.
should seriously discuss marriage on a first date. That suggests shady motives.
For a relationship to work, the couple must love each other equally or at least near equally. Your friends are right that you should be with someone who loves you. But, you need to love him too. That is the only way.
Don't settle for someone you can't stand to be with. You'll be dooming yourself to a unhappy existence.
