How to convince her to give me another chance?

by Scotty
(Australia)

I need help. Me and my girlfriend were engaged and after being together 5 years we broke up. We had our arguments and fights but only in the last 2 years after i became stressed about a family issue which affected me a lot.

Her reason for us breaking up was that I put her down and made her feel like crap. I have, since the breakup, undergone a stress/anger management and counselling course and i truly do feel like a better person as i know how to control my issues relating to my family.

She just simply does not want to hear a bar of it. I don't know what to do. I am deeply sorry for ever treating her like crap, but i never noticed i was doing it. I just want her back, I'd already lost someone important in my family and i didnt want to lose the love of my life either. I never controlled her or told her she couldnt go out with friends or anything. She would never tell me when i was putting her down or hurting her so i never knew i was doing it.

She has since told me she no longer loves me anymore, but I cant see how this can be the case after a 5 year relationship and a 10 month engagement. We are young, but i truly believe that we are meant to be and she said the only way that we would break up would be if i cheated on her which i'd never do.

Surely, if we are engaged we would be able to work something like this out. As i mentioned before, I've only been stressed the past 2 years since i had a massive family greivence.




Answer

Scotty,

I'm truly sorry to hear of your troubles. Sometimes, we don't know the damage we're causing to the one's we love until it's too late.

Unfortunately, there is not too much you can do, beyond what you've already been trying. You need to convince her to give you another chance, and then you have to prove, over time, that you really have changed.

Have you considered writing a letter explaining your feelings? Sometimes writing a letter is the best way to get your thoughts into an ordered and convincing format. Also, she can't argue with a letter. She can only read it, and think about it's contents.

Spend some time on it. Make sure to be convincing. Check out our article on Love Letters Saying Sorry for a few pointers.

Make sure to be composed, in your letter, and when talking to her in person. You don't want to seem like you're desperate for her. Nobody goes back to the desperate person. You need to seem like you've gotten your shit together, and you're ready to be a good partner.

Good Luck...

Editor, CDI