How do I get her back? Girlfriend ended it out of the blue.

by Murchison
(Canada)

So I dated this girl for about 2 months and we both liked each other a lot. After getting back from a trip she calls me and breaks up with me. She didn't say why.

We've been separated for about 3 or 4 months now and I've realized that I really want her back. We haven't really talked since the break up. There was one pretty-long chat we had over the computer a while ago where we were actually just talking like normal;making jokes and everything, acting like nothing really happened. But that's the only conversation that we've had.

We go to school together and whenever we see each other it just gets a little awkward and I hate that. So, I've really committed myself to getting back with her. I know that I have to be happy and let her know that I'm ok with the break up. And I know I have to talk to her but I'm just wondering if anybody has some real advice for me because I feel like I'm facing something bigger than me and I can't do it myself.

Also,I have had a lot of time to think about things and I have talked to people and I'm pretty sure I identified why we broke up. I didn't take her out, just the two of us enough and I kissed her a lot when she didn't really like PDA's. I think those are pretty easy things to fix. There was one thing. When she actually broke up with me she told me it was because she was too busy which even at the time I knew wasn't true. She is a very busy person with sports and family and stuff, but she always found time for friends and me. Also, weeks after our breakup there was mention that it was because we were too different; had nothing in common. Which I know isn't true because we had a lot in common; we could talk for hours.




Answer

Hey Murchison,

Thanks for your question.

First, consider two things:

1. It is possible she was telling the truth to you. She may actually be too busy to want a relationship right now.

2. Why do you want to be with her? Is she really so perfect for you, or do you just want her because it seems like you can't have her?

If you're sure #1 is untrue, and that she really is perfect for you and you really do want to get her back, proceed.

Now, getting a girlfriend back is a tricky task. From what I've learned over the years, you usually have to do the opposite of what it seems like you should do.

First, don't pursue her too actively. The more you seem desperate for her, the more she will pull away. Instead, let her know you really like her, and if she ever feels like giving it another shot, you'd be down. Be nonchalant, and leave it at that.

Now, the hard part. Go on with your life. Try to date some other girls, and hang out with friends. Try to be seen with other girls flirting around you etc...

Hopefully, she will realize that she was foolish to let you go, and she'll come back for you. Again, the less desperate you seem, the better. If you seem to be pining for her, she will retreat. Believe me. Groucho Marx once said, "I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member". Attraction works on the same principle. You always want what you have to fight for, not what is fighting for you...

Make sense?

Now, if you don't want to play the waiting game, there are some other tactics that I've learned that are very effective as well, based on the same principles i've described, but are more proactive.

I can't detail them here because the information is copyrighted... But, I can recommend the book to you. It's called The Magic of Making up.

It's actually a remarkably helpful book. It was recommended by a poster, and I was able to acquire a copy from Mr. Jackson with the stipulation that I not divulge any of his specific advice.

But, like I said, you can get her back on my advice alone, it just may take a little longer. If you have any more questions, I'll try to anser them for you.

Good Luck!