can i date my best friend's ex girlfriend

by none ya

This girl and I are great friends but she has a boyfriend. Unfortunately her boyfriend is my best friend. Now she always flirts with me touches me, calls me hot etc. Now the girl and my best friend broke up a while ago and I'm worried if i ask her out it would bother my friend. Should i do this or are ex girlfriends of friends off limits.





Answer:

It makes sense that good friends would be attracted to the same girl. After all, you probably like a lot of the same things. That's why you're friends. Also, for the same reasons, it makes sense that she would find you attractive since she was also attracted to your friend.

Ex girlfriends aren't "always off limits". That just wouldn't be fair. After all, you don't want to miss out on a really great relationship just because a friend dated her once. But, you've certainly got to be careful if you don't want to lose a good friend.

How is your friend doing with the breakup? If he is still really upset, you probably shouldn't proceed right away with the girl. Your friend needs you to be a source of comfort. Running off with the girl that just broke his heart is not exactly the best friend thing to do.

But, if your friend isn't all that upset, is moving on, maybe seeing other people, etc... then you could consider moving ahead carefully with the girl. You still need to be tactful though. Keep under the radar. Once you're sure something serious is actually going on with you and the girl, you should have a talk with your friend.

You want him hearing the news from you, not through the grape vine. Explain how you know it's not ideal, but you really like her, and that you value his friendship immensely, etc. And then, most importantly, no matter his reaction, you've got to try to continue being the best friend possible. It's important that it doesn't seem like his ex and his best friend are leaving him. Know what I mean?

In summary: If he's still upset, don't rush into anything with the ex. If he's cool, proceed with caution.

If you're not really sure, nothing beats a straight up conversation. Just tell him whats up, ask him how he feels about it, and go from there. He'll respect your honesty.

Good luck... If you have any follow up questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section of this thread.



Michael B, Editor, CDI