Break up? She is controlling and jealous.

by Andy
(USA)

I am 21. My girlfriend is 19. We both attend Universities. We have been dating for a year and a half. She does everything for me. She is there for anything I need, does not mind spending money on me and never complains about it. If I needed something small/medium/large she would drop everything to be there.

She loves me so much it becomes obsessive. She texts and calls all the time every day. She has control problems and when she starts to lose control, she starts getting worried about everything, questions everything, and tries to make me do what she wants. another way she deals with trying to be in control is acting like a leech. If I do something, she has to be there, then tries to make me feel guilty if I in some form let her know that she is not invited. She gets extremely jealous all of the time. Me having friends that are girls will never work out. She does not have many friends which also contributes to her "leechyness."

I am rarely happy, or excited to see her everyday. Sex suffers due to a lot of this and I do not even find myself wanting to, and she is a very good looking girl.
I stare at other girls all day considering I attend a large University and I am around them all day.

Another problem is the fact that most of my family members do not like her and have gotten in many serious arguments. She even comes between some of my close guy friends.

I feel as if something is missing in my relationship, I feel like I am only 21 with too many options out there to be tied down in something i am not enjoying.

I have a really good heart and making her upset is so hard for me. When i look back and say would I do it all over again, I say absolutely not, and that is terrible. Bottom line is I am just not happy in this relationship and the more frustrated I get everyday the closer I get to just calling it quits because I cannot take it much longer

So what in the world should I do?





Answer

Hey Andy,

Sorry for the late reply. Your question got lost in the system somewhere.

It seems like you already know what you need to do, and you may have already done it. But, in case you haven't broken up with her yet, here is how I would proceed.

First, make sure she knows the reasons why you're not happy with the relationship (she is controlling, jealous, doesn't give you any space, etc...). And make sure she knows that you'll need to move on if things don't change.

This isn't going to make things any better. She'll probably become suspicious that you're cheating on her, become increasingly jealous, and so forth. That is just how she is wired it seems, and she won't be able to change over night, or even quickly enough to justify continuing the relationship.

But, if you make it clear why you can't be with her anymore, despite being very attracted to her, there is a better chance she'll be able to curb these bad instincts in future relationships. If she keeps jeopardizing good relationships by being too controlling, eventually, hopefully, she'll kick this very bad habit.

So, let her know whats wrong, and when she doesn't change, let her go. There are better girls out there for you, and she needs to learn that a relationship is two people embracing one another, not becoming one.

Good Luck.

Michael B. Editor, CDI