Boyfriend's Mom is Dying

I have posted a few questions on here in regards to my boyfriends Mom having Alzheimer's and is not doing to well. It appears that her body could possibly be shutting down. My boyfriend's (lets just call him Dave)parents live 3 hours away.

Dave and I have only known each other for a little over a month and had decided to wait on meeting each others families until we were sure our relationship worked. His brother is the only one on his side that knows a little about me and has already asked Dave a million questions about me... causing Dave to be upset because he really needs to focus on the situation with his Mom.

I have tried to stay in the background and give him the space he needs (waiting for him to call me or text me), just letting Dave know that I am here for him no matter what anytime of the day if he needs me for anything. My heart just breaks for him, I feel his pain as I can see it and hear it in his voice.

His brother has a wife and his sister has a husband who they can both turn to for comfort. I so want to be there for Dave to give him comfort. My question is if she does pass, should I go to the funeral? I don't want to cause Dave any stress or distraction if I were to go....(people asking him who the new woman is). On the other hand if I don't go I would be so upset if he really did want me there and then I wasn't there for him.



Answer:

Hi again,

You simply need to let Dave know, when the time comes, that you want to be there for him in whatever capacity he wants. If he prefers to go through this with only his family, you'll let him. If he wants to talk several times a day, you'll do that. If he wants you to come down to the funeral, you'll be there for him.

Just make sure he knows you're available and willing. He'll let you know (either explicitly, or subtly), what he needs from you. Just try your best not to put any pressure on him. As we've discussed before, your boyfriend has enough stress to deal with right now.

Regards,
Editor, CDI