boyfriend unable to have orgasm
by maryam
(Tehran, Iran)
i need a professional advice on some changes of my man.
at first there is this little history between us,
we used to go out for 6 months .
then we broke up and heard nothing from each other for 3 months.
this ended after three months of not talking and seeing each other.
after his period we started being friends ,like just friends,
and I somehow was examining him to see if had changed and
we could be in a relationship again. if not, i was happy to have
him as a regular friend.
but actually as time passed by I knew i could not just be friends
with him, and i did like him a lot, and since he had changed in many
ways ,i started all over again.
but how we broke up and why we did this ,is important for your
information.
when we were in relationship ,I was hearing some bad news of him
like how he flirts with other girls, I couldn't believe these ,
actually he behaved lot more different with me than what i heard from
my friends,that saw him in parties or so.(we live in diffrent cities)
in our first level of relationship, (i mean the first 6 months) , he was kind of alcoholic, and i knew that. he used to drink alot, and when he was drunk he COULD do ,what my friends said he used to do, like flirting with others and so . so I tried to persuade him drink less or not at all. first he used to accept it, then again he started drinking. but i could see this obviously, that he is TRYING.so I tried to make the relationship work and help him stop drinking.i liked him alot.untill I heared of 2 diffrent people that he got drunk and slept with a girl in a party.
this was the last thing I could hear,and was from two diffrent friends.
so i would lie to myself,if i thought this wasnt happening.
so we broke up.
I explained all this cause I thought it might be necessary for your concern.but the real fact and problem is about our sex life.that makes me think alot lately.
in the first level of relationship,and for 6 months we only slept together maybe 9 or 10 times. I didn't do it till third month.
and our sex was fabulous.best sex ever. and i am telling you, I couldn't imagine a guy being so in harmony with me in sex.
so we both enjoyed it alot.
thats what happend in those days.
but after breaking up and not hearing of him for three months, I just kind of knew it was not over, he tried to make it up to me but i didn't want to get involved in that kind of shit he made for me, i mean in those days i was everyday nervous,suspicious to every human being, and i couldnt help myself thinking positively, it was just like hell.
after three months ,he called, and then i called, and we started speaking like regular friends, but he wanted more, this time he wasn't trying to make me to do anything, he was just trying to show me how different he is living, and i started observing.
he wasn't drinking anymore, no more parties, no more girlies.
he was at home or work all the time.
all of this was something I couldn't ever imagine.
and i was happy, I was ssooo happy to have him back in real life, and i mean not as my beloved one or my friend, just as a man who really is lovely and deserved the life he had.
but i knew i could not make this work if we go back in the relationship again.
we talked and went out together for two months and being regular friends.in between he sometimes tried to convince me, he doesn't only like me as a friend and he hopes for a more serious relationship.
after two months, his birthday came up, and we kissed! and stepped back in the relationship!
which i did not really plan on,and did not plan on the sex we had specifically!
we kissed and while we were talking about not having sex for at least one month, we started it.
I told you in the first 6 months of our relationship(first level) we might have slept only 10 times together, but this time we did it like everyday in the first week.
it's been great ,but the problem is this:
those days, he used to enjoy it a lot me too, i got my orgasm everytime,and he did ejaculate everytime, maybe two times ,sometimes.
he knew a lot of moves and everything. he was a sex machine.
now, its kind of diffrent.
I know he enjoys it, and likes it and i see that. but he did not get the ejaculation for three rounds of our sex.i am surprised, i don't know why this is happening.
first time he says he got a scar on his penis ,because of our heavy sex ,and that he had not sex for a long time, and this as a physical problem made him inable of ejaculating.
the other time when he was nearly cuming ,his mother called on her cellphone, and he thought she is at the door, so he got stressed,and as he says it made him not to cum.
the other thing is his penis shrinks between sex, and then he tries again to make it go on. I am telling you this is so wierd. this has never happend before. and I don't know anything about this things going on.
diffrent explainations come to my mind.it might be mentally , i mean about his thoughts. or might be physically.
about his thoughts,sometimes as i am thinking of before i think ,God maybe he is cheating again and he gets this bad feeling during sex and it makes his penis stop.
or maybe he is worried, of i don't know, maybe of me not enjoying it.
or at all maybe he doesn't enjoy it.
i am so confused. it just does not make sense. please help me somehow and tell me what could be the reason.
by physically I mean like maybe he got sick! I don't know if there is a sickness like this?
cause he get this red allergic dots on his face everytime he takes a bath, which disappear after 5 minutes,but it's still odd. cause he didn't have such an allergy before.
if there is an illness,I am thinking maybe he got it from drinking alot,or having alot of sex with diffrent girls.
If so, he has not changed for me!he changed because he had to!
so this is starting to make my mind real busy.
and if there is an illness here, am I safe?!
is it simply because of his stresses or is it something serious?
he says its because of stresses at work.
but this is not believable.cause he doesn't have such stress at work.
so please help me with your advice, and thanks a lot for your time.
by the way sorry for my english if i wrote anything wrong.
I am looking forward for your answer.
thanks alot.
P.s.i am 25 and female, he is 29
Answer:
Hi Maryam,
The reasons for erectile dysfunction are many...
It could be due to stress, the drinking, an illness... at 25, his age shouldn't be causing it.
Your boyfriend should see a doctor to discuss any symptoms that he is experiencing (the ED, and hives being two that you mentioned). And, if your boyfriend has been promiscuous, you should be taking the proper precautions. That means using condoms whenever you have sex. Try to convince him to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
Assuming his inability to orgasm isn't due to health issues, you should try to talk with him candidly about sex. See if there is anything in particular that he would like you to do, any kinks etc... Also, for the sex to work, the relationship needs to be healthy. So, try to resolve any problems in the relationship that may be adding stress.
Good Luck,
editor, CDI
