boyfriend needs time and space

Three weeks ago I met a man through an online dating service. We had an incredible evening and he asked to see me the next night.

We seemed to really have a connection. He says as far as he is concerned he is done looking and asked me to be his girl. We spent more time together and eventually our emotions went wild and we made love....after that we continued to see each other and he calls and texts on a daily basis.

Shortly there after his Mom (who has alzhiemers) lost her brother. My guy went to be with his mom (three hours away). She had a very difficult time with this. He stayed a couple of days and came home.....asked to see me and we spent the night together. We talked a bit about his Mom and Dad and what was going to happen, they are both in their 80's. He and his sister and brother were supposed to get together at the end of the week to discusss a plan. (his siblings live a few hours away from my boyfriend and about 6 hours from the parents)

During this week my boyfriend became sick with bronchitis, so I did not see him and then his siblings came for a few days to figure out a plan for his parents. He continued to call and text however not quite as much. His siblings left and we made plans to get together that evening. I went to his house and he told me that the siblings had come up with a plan to rotate between the three of them to spend a few days each week with the parents.

We spent the evening together and it was wonderful....I spent the night and he told me that the next day it was his time to go be with his parents. He took the first half of the week because I was going to have 4 days off at the end of the week and we were excited about having time together. So he left to go....

The first night he was there his mom went into a meltdown so bad they had to take her to the hospital. She was admitted and was in a semi coma state. The doctor told him to call his siblings back because it didnt look to good. It was like his mom had given up. Since this has all happened he has called and texted usually everyday, however they seem kind of impersonal, when before they were full of baby, sweetheart, mushy stuff.

He sent me a text saying he was sorry our weekend plans were not going to happen that he was going to have to stay there for an indefinite amount of time. He said he hoped i could give him a little time and space....he needed to be there to spend time with his mom and dad and that he didnt know from one day to the next what was going to happen.

He says he does think of me.... I reassured him that I was here for him and would continue to be. I understand he is needed there and that is where he should be at a time like this. His siblings are there with him now... and it is hard for him to stay in contact as much as he was....(they know he has met me but that is about it)I have waited to call him or text him until he makes the first move. I don't want to intrude on his family and interfere with his spending time with his mom and dad.

It is very hard to sit back and wait.....I know our relationship is so new and he really doesn't even owe me any phone calls or texts or anything, but I am in agony because I know he is in pain and I really want to see him and comfort him....

At this point he doesn't even know when he will be back home. His Mom could die any day....some days are better than others, some days are very bad. I know he doesn't owe me any explanation about things with our relationship being so new....but we felt so much for each other before all this happened with his mom.

Should I be worried that he is not interested in me like he was....or is it just that he focused on the situation with his parents. I keep my cell phone on me at all times in case he calls or texts. Should I call or text him more than I do or wait for him to call or text first? I really miss him....and am on pins and needles. I don't want him to have to worry about me or us. So I just tell him I am here for him and to call or text anytime night or day.

But, when I don't hear from him, my mind plays tricks on me and I start thinking maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I feel that I have started to fall in love with him. What should I do?




Answer:

Hi there,

Some timing huh? Of course the minute you meet someone, something bad has to get in the middle of everything.

First, take a deep breath.

You're focusing on really small signals. Which is normal. We are built to interpret these types of signals because they help us determine how a new relationship is progressing.

But, you're not in a normal new relationship here. Your boyfriend is going through a very hard time. He probably doesn't have the mental energy to make sure he is sending you all the right signals. This doesn't mean the relationship is degrading.

You need to respect his request for "time and space". If you'd been together for a while, and the relationship was mature, his siblings knew you, etc, then I would be worried if he didn't want you around. But, given how well you know each other, and that his siblings have never met you, it makes sense.

Right now, just provide him with support without being too intrusive. Send him a text message once a day telling him you're thinking about him. Tell him you're available to talk if he ever feels like it, etc... Most of all, don't worry. He doesn't need the added stress of worrying about upsetting you. Just be there for him when the storm clears, thats when he'll need someone to comfort him.