Boyfriend is confusing me

This is a continuation of the story of my boyfriend and his aging parents. I agreed to give him his space....he said we could continue to talk and text. So when I asked what time of day would be the best to call he said he would rather just text for awhile (not just for that night.) I didn't ask why he didn't want me to call because I didn't want to put pressure on him.

When we do text it is very short, sometimes only one or two words or no response at all. For instance, this morning he sent me a text asking if I was working today. I was so excited that he had texted me first. I told him what hours I worked and asked how he was doing and if his brother was still there with him. He replied with "ok" and "yes". I asked him if it was as cold there as it was here and made a funny comment trying to maybe draw out the conversation a bit and he replied with " Oh yea its cold here."

I asked him how his Mom was adjusting to the move to the nursing home and how his Dad was doing and told him it was great to hear from him. I did not get a reply at all. The whole day went by and I heard nothing. When I got home from work this evening I sent him a message saying "Hi baby, thinkin of you. How are things today? What are you up to?" He replied back "Just leaving Mom, Long Day. You just sleep tight." I replied back "my heart is with you and I really hope tomorrow is a better day."

I had so hoped all day that I would be able to have a conversation with him even if it was through texting. I don't know what to think. Is he shutting me out? Does he not want me to communicate with him anymore? It is so hard to know what to say to him....am I setting myself up for heartache here? I just wish he would give me a little more to go on. I know this is very difficult for him to deal with, I would love to be able to help him through it, but it feels like he doesn't want that.

Just to refresh your mind....we have only been together a little over 3 weeks, but it was such a wonderful relationship before his mom got ill. Should I just stop texting and talking to him all together and wait for him to contact me? Should I just let the relationship go? I am so very sad, he is a wonderful man and I really think we have something very special, however I kind of feel like now maybe he has changed his mind. I am really trying hard not to be selfish but I wish he could give me a little more to hang on to.

Please help.






Answer:

Hi again,

You may be setting yourself up for heartache, but not necessarily. If I were you, I would at least begin considering the possibility that this relationship might not work right now. If you don't expect him to call/ text, then you won't be as sad if he doesn't. And if he does, then that will be a welcomed surprise.

People deal with grief and tragedy in different ways. Some like to be taken care of, and some need time to themselves.

If I were you, I would let his actions speak for what he wants. In other words, let him contact you. He may still really want a relationship with you. If he does, after a few days of not hearing from you, he'll contact you. And he won't be short with you then.

If you do contact him, don't be so lovey dovey. He needs to see that he is at risk of losing you. That's the only way to know if his feelings have changed.


You can't force these things. let him come to you.


Editor, CDI