Boring Routine and Communication Problems.

by Brie
(Illinois)

I feel like my boyfriend and I have created a boring routine, I really do feel that he and I are like that. I know when he is going to call me or text me all the time. We see each other once a week, I know what he is gonna say most of the time. But, he still always puts a smile on my face, and I always get excited when I'm with him.

Then, when I don't get to see him for a week I feel the same again like he doesn't really like me and I feel like I pick out bad details a lot. Then we hang out and everything feels perfect again until a few days later I start feeling the loss of passion.

I am his first real girlfriend so I try to tell him what I want or what I don't feel is right in the relationship, but he got mad at me and I felt awful about it because I do feel like I tell him he's doing the wrong thing too often but I don't know another way to tell him what I want.

What can I do, and how can I help him help me?




Answer:

Hey Brie,

Instead of telling him the things that he is doing wrong, why not simply help him to do the right things? Communication is so important, but nobody likes to hear a laundry list of things they could do better.

If you'd like a more exciting routine, make it happen. Plan something that you guys wouldn't normally do together, at a time you wouldn't normally hang out. Routine is a necessary part of life, but you need to add some non routine stuff to the mix or life becomes one big routine.

As for giving your boyfriend constructive criticism without making him mad, try the "complement sandwich". It's an effective technique managers use to get employees to do a better job without making them feel worthless.

First, complement him on something that he does great within the relationship. Then add a, "but, if you did _________ more often, you'd be an even better boyfriend!" And then, give him another complement before he has time to get upset about being critiqued. This works like a charm. He'll know where he needs to improve, and his ego will get bump as well. it's win - win.



Regards,
Editor, CDI